Diamond Earrings and Glitter Nail Polish

You know what I realized this afternoon while admiring my reflection in the mirror? I am wearing diamond earrings and sparkly glitter nail polish.... What a combination! TLC's "What Not to Wear" would have a field day with me! I was given a set of diamond earrings by my children for Christmas and Jason's daughter Sophia had painted my nails with sparkly glitter nail polish the day before during our girly nail painting party. The contrast between my glamourous earrings and the tacky nail polish made me see something very important.

At times I feel like I have been thrust into motherhood, helpless to the time that passes all too quickly and steadily trying to claw my way back to my youth that feels lost so long ago. I'm constantly covered in crayon, marker, strange nail polish, crumbs etc... My lap is wearing out from the constant rotation of bottoms sitting in it. When we make the decision to have children, we never truly realize the sacrifices we will have to make along the way. But we don't mind doing that, because the rewards are so much greater.

However, day by day, we notice in the mirror a new wrinkle or a sag here or there. Our lips that in our youth used to curl upwards seem to be fixed into a permanent frown... You long for the days when you were young and beautiful, (the way diamond earrings make you feel). Suddenly a gray hair peeks through the brown and you start to wonder what happened to that carefree girl that you once were...

Occassionally you will see her, peeking back at you in the mirror. You can tell by the twinkle of her eye, the smile playing on her lips, the giggle escaping her mouth... And you know that she is still there, still young, still carefree, just hiding. Hiding and laughing because she just saw you wearing diamond earrings and sparkly glitter nail polish....

Sunny days are coming....

Isn't it funny how life works sometimes? One day something bad happens, something that hurts your heart completely and you aren't really sure how you are going to make it through. You think that every day that passes has to make it better. As you are putting one foot in front of the other, day by day, it doesn't seem to get better. Your heart still hurts and you aren't sure if you are ever going to feel "normal" again. Your heart says "i can't go on" but your mind says "keep trucking girl, we can do this". And you struggle to see the meaning in all your troubles, the reasons behind your heartache and you search for the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. The light that keeps getting smaller even as you move forward. You think you will never make it.

Then one day, out of the blue, you wake up and realize the sun is shining. You have stepped out of the tunnel without even realizing it. You suddenly can really see that this life is full of opportunity, possibility, meaning and hope. God has not forgotten you, He sees your troubles and your pain and promises to walk you through it all to get you to the other side. Today my sun is shining for many reasons. Even though people have taken advantage of my kindness and generosity and stepped all over my feelings in the process, I can take heart in the fact that there are better things in store for my life than cheaters and liars. Love is not lost, there is someone out there, ready to accept my kind heart. God promises it, and because of that, it is true.

I have decided to share this with the few (very few) people who read this blog. On any given day, there are countless women who share my burdens and face the same troubles that I do. I want those women to see this and know that no matter how bad you hurt today, no matter how many troubles you are facing today, tomorrow will be better. Hope is out there just waiting for us to grab onto it and take it and embrace it. Don't ever feel yourself to be unworthy just because someone chose to deceive you or hurt you. People like that are not what God has in store for your life. He has something wonderful and amazing in store, you just have to trust that He will provide it when He feels you are ready. It's frustrating waiting for it, but you have to trust that His timing is perfect. And it is simply perfect...

Rude people

I just don't understand why some people feel the need to be rude. It's not necessary and it's definitely not conducive to any type of adult conversation. I'm trying to move on, really I am, but there are certain things that need to be taken care of when two people split up. Especially when those issues involve my bank account. So I don't think I am in the wrong in asking them to take care of those issues right away. So why do I get yelled at when asking? It's not that difficult to take care of, it involves one phone call, a phone call that I'm not allowed to make even though it involves my personal bank account!!! Trust me, I've tried and I hit a brick wall, a big brick wall, even with pleading my case to the customer service agent I am told that it doesn't matter the situation, his name is on the member account. It doesn't matter that it's my bank account. I am so frustrated. It doesn't make my happy in any way to keep picking up the phone and calling him to settle these things. What would make me happy is to have all of this done and me never having to talk to him again. So why be rude, just be an adult and take care of your business. So that we can both wash our hands of this ugly situation and move on to bigger and better things. Why make it more painful than it has to be?

The missing trash bag mystery

I had a huge roll of trash bags in my laundry room. There had to be at least 30 trash bags on that roll. There were there on Saturday. I took the trash out this morning since it was trash day (monday). Then when i got home, i realized I had not put a new trash bag in the trash can. So i walk into the laundry room, reach up to the shelf where they are kept and.......

Nothing but air. What? where are the trash bags? I searched high and low and they were no where to be found. What could have happened to all the trash bags? Well, Chris moved his things out yesterday, maybe he took them. So I send a text asking "did you take my trash bags? I can't seem to find them" His reply "NO"

Well here is what I think about that. I think he's a liar. He lied about his kids, i'm pretty sure he lied about the reason why he didn't leave any money yesterday for the bills and I think he's lying about the trash bags!

Trash bag thief!! WTF?!?!?!?!? Now what kind of immature person would steal trash bags? Well i guess it's fitting, maybe he needed to stuff all his "trash" in it since he was moving out.

The heart

We have an amazing organ in our body. The heart. It's what keeps you alive. Keeps the blood pumping through your veins so that you can complete another day's task. It also is strong. It can withstand 80 or more years of life. It's resilient, when taken care of, it can heal itself efficiently when harmed.

Isn't it wonderful, that your emotional heart has the exact same qualities? Your emotional heart can withstand so much over a period of time, that even when you think it's the end of the world, the heart keeps going. Over time, the hurt will go away, the resilient heart will heal itself. When you lose someone that you care about, particularly when someone chooses to leave you, you can take comfort in the pain.

Because no matter how much it hurts this day, tomorrow is coming. And it's a promise that tomorrow it will hurt less. That's the key to overcoming grief, sadness and pain. What will keep you going through today's pain is that tomorrow will take a small bit of that pain away. And over time, you will only have a faint memory of what it felt to love someone so much.

all things usually come to an end....

I knew I shouldn't have posted anything about Chris.... It's over. He's moving out on sunday. The story leading up to this is long, complicated and painful for me, so it's easier to just say that things happened, trust was lost on both sides and now it's time to part ways. I'm upset, I haven't been able to stop crying and I'm devastated. However, I must pull myself up by my bootstraps and keep moving on. The worst part about all this was having to tell the kids that Chris will not be back and I don't know if we will ever see him again. Sonny seems to be taking it the worst, he keeps telling me that he's going to miss Chris and he's sad about that.

The only comfort I can take from this situation is that I know God has someone really special for me and when He is ready and He feels I am ready, then it will happen. My most important responsibility now is to my children and myself. I need to show them that it's ok to cry when you are sad but there comes a time when you have to take care of yourself. I need to tell them that no matter who else comes and goes in their lives that I will always be there and I will never leave them.

But it does hurt and it hurts alot. To have invested almost a year into someone that you truly care about and love, then to have them walk out of your life like they never loved you at all, it's painful. I want to tell him to come back and work this out, but I don't think that's the right choice. I'm scared that I want him to come back for the wrong reasons. I'm a good mom and I have raised my children for the last 6 years almost completely alone. I can do it again and for as long as it takes until the right person comes along. I think I'm just tired of running the rat race. Being a single mom is overwhelming at times and for a while it was nice having someone to share that burden with. But it goes to show that you can only depend on yourself, don't expect anyone else to be responsible for your happiness. That can only come from within....

More Pictures!

Pictures, pictures, pictures!!!

Oh my, where has the time gone?

I am a terrible blogger, it has been over 6 months since my last post. I never even got Christmas pictures up! It is now August and we are getting ready to start the school year over again. This time it's Lexi's turn to leave the mother birds nest and head to kindergarten! I don't know if I will be able to hold the tears back this time for very long, my baby is growing up. A few news updates for everyone: We have adopted a dog. Her name is Lola, she is a 6 month old mix. We think she is part pit bull mixed with something else. But her demeanor is so relaxed and sweet that we are sure the pit bull part is very minimal. Here are a few pictures of her:




And for all of you wondering who that handsome devil is pictured with Lola, that is Chris. (well, it's hard to see him, the picture is so dark. I promise to post some better ones) He and I have been dating for about 6 months now and I have to say that he is a wonderful addition to our lives. Sonny and Lexi have really taken to him and he supplies that good father figure that the kids have been missing. We have actually known each other for about 16 years, he was friends with Anne-Marie growing up, and then they lost touch for many years. One day he walked into my office to fill out an application and remembered who I was right away. Then the story goes on from there.

The kids have been visiting their dad the last 7 weeks of this summer. They have spent the last 2 weeks with their Grandparents in North Carolina and will be coming home on sunday. I have missed them terribly and can't wait to see their shining faces and to see how much they have grown since I last saw them. They went camping with their grandparents to a place called Cherokee. It's an Indian reservation, i think and one night they had real Indians teaching people how to do authentic Cherokee dances. Sonny and Lexi were shy at first, but when one of the Indian's pointed to Sonny and said "You, with the mohawk, get up here and dance". Sonny did! I was told that the entire thing was on videotape and should be getting a copy when they come home. I can't wait to see it and post it for everyone.

I promise to post more updated pictures for everyone, now that we have internet at the house, it should be easier for me to keep up.

We're still here!

Ok, this is terrible, I have not blogged in 3 weeks! Christmas has come and gone, Sonny's 6th birthday has come and gone and still I have not blogged. Bad, bad blogger.

Christmas was a whirlwind. We had Anne-Marie, Ian and Riley in town this year and it was such a pleasure to be able to have Christmas with the whole family. The new sunroom at Mom's house was finished just in time to be completely demolished with wrapping paper and boxes on Christmas Day. It took 3 hours to go through everyone's presents, halfway through, we all had to take a break just to get our energy back! Unfortunately, I still have yet to upload all the pictures we took.

Even though the kids got so many things, there was one thing that Sonny wanted, however he neglected to tell anyone about this wish until a few days before christmas, after all the presents had been picked out. It was a Nintendo DS. It was all he could talk about and I filed that thought away in my brain because his birthday was coming up in 3 weeks. Soooo... being the good mommy that I am, I convinced a few family members to help me come up with the money to provide this gift for him. $300 dollars later, we had the Nintendo DS, 4 games and Aunt Ashley gave him the coolest carrying case ever. It looks like a lunch box, complete with head phones, car charger, screen protectors, a Star Wars cover, Star Wars skins for his DS, and 3 new stylus pens that look like light sabers!!! And since he has gotten this gift this past saturday, I think that my child is suffering from "Can't hearitis" and possibly also "forgotten how to speak syndrome". I don't think he has said more than 5 words and those words were "thanks for my DS Mom." Other than that, he has been completely absorbed into his games.

Little does he know that he has provided me with the perfect leverage for his behavior. Don't want to eat your dinner? I'm taking the DS. Don't want to be nice to your sister? I'm taking the DS. Don't want to clean your room? I'm taking the DS. And it works....last night was the first test...and it worked like a charm. Not only am I the coolest mom in the whole world, I'm evidently one of the smartest too!